I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
