We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
