I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
