My brain says no but my pants say off.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
