Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
try to milk me bitch
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