I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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