I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
