So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
