i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
