Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
