Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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