Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
