Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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