I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
