If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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