Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
