honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
