My Higher Power is John Stamos
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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