If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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