She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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