Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
