community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
