be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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