Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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