just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
