If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
