think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
