so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
