i permit you to call me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
