Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
