The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
