Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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