He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
