So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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