Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
