I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
