You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
