Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize