The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
