I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
