I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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