If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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