I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
