We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
