Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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