Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline

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(847): View more from Illinois

No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.

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(613): View more from Ontario

How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.

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(512): View more from Texas

Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.

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