the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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