Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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