Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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