is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
