Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
