hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
