you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
