Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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