guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
