So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
