you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
