I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
