I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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