i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize