Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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