dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
