i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
