So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
