Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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