He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're a waste of cheezeits
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize