we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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