WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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