there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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