long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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